What Is Unconditional Love In A Relationship
What’s love got to do? got to do? Right? Love that Tina Turner song a lot. of people are not just searching for love they’re searching for this magical mystical unconditional love. Today, here on limitless TV, I’m bringing on one of my, one of my, dear, dear friends and guests mentor, marianne de Novelists to talk about what unconditional love is and how you create it. You know, a lot of people have asked me what is unconditional love? and what does it mean in a relationship? what does it mean in terms of yourself? how can you really have it? and here’s what I want to share with you, I’ve discovered a lot of things on what unconditional love is and what unconditional love isn’t. Let me give you an example, you know we think about love. There’s a lot of different ways to express love. There’s a lot of different ways to feel love. Many of you have heard of love languages and many of you have heard of different kinds of love and different languages. You know, you love your animal, you love your pet, you love your dog, you love your house, you love your kids, you love you know to do things. You love to go on hikes, you love to have hobbies, you love yourself and maybe for some people that’s a new concept. Maybe for some people you have had these inclinations and voices in your heads with Oh, I hate it when I do this. I hate it when I do that. And here’s the difference, unconditional love, means no matter what. It means no strings attached. It means whether or not the circumstance shows up like I expect it or not. That’s what unconditional love looks like. And when you have unconditional love, that means that nothing can rob you of your peace.
Now let me lay the foundation for this for just a moment. Unconditional love, when you look at yourself in the mirror what do you see? when you look at yourself in the mirror do you see things that are just objectifying for you? do you see and I used to do this. I used to look at myself in the mirror and say, “Oh, I like how I look today”. I like this outfit or I don’t like this part of me and sometimes I would just look at myself you know from the neck down makes a bunch of judgments. And, I was super conditional. If I looked at the scale one day, and I saw two more pounds than I noticed yesterday, or the week before, then I put a condition on it. That I’m somehow less than that two pounds more made me less than. I looked at my bank account says this number, this figure represent how much I’m worth? is it affect how much peace I have? is it a heading to or taking away? I’m checking on dipping my energetic dipstick you will into all of these different circumstances in determining my level of self-love and I really want to define for you, what self-love means. What does love mean to you? Just consider that for a moment. What does love mean to you you? You know in Greek there’s so many different words for love there’s a word for love that means brotherly love. There’s a word for love that means close intimate love between you and a spouse. There’s a word for love that means, you love your field or your job, or what you do. There’s several different words for love and in the English language we don’t really have that? We have just love. We have friendships that means something different. We have relationship that means something different. But what is love really mean? and this is my definition. Love means commitment to success. Let me say that again, love means commitment to success. You see love isn’t an emotion. It’s not something that you feel although there are emotions that come with it. Love is a commitment. Love is a commitment to success. I once had a dear friend and mentor who was explaining this concept to me and he said, “Maryann, if I love this cheese burger, I’m committed to his success. and the highest success for this Cheeseburger is to become part of me, and fuel me, and give me energy to do what I do for out the whole day.” and I just laugh I thought that was the most hilarious thing they were her but he had a point. Committed to the success. So what does that mean for you? you think about a child. Now I don’t mean how many of you have kids but I know you’ve also been one before. speaking as a former one-year-old, I can tell you this and having one year olds of my own I’ve watched them get up and I’ve watched them take steps and I’ve watched them learn how to walk and I watch them fall a lot of times. And, sometimes the fall is a little trip, and sometimes the fall is a fall down a flight of stairs. And you can imagine, as an adult, I’m not looking at them and saying, “oh you should really do better, you know that wasn’t a very good try, you know that was a really maybe, you should stop, maybe you should stop doing what you’re doing because that’s not really working for you you’re getting results that aren’t favourable. Hmm…. you should just really cut that on”. No! What kind of parent does that? I mean can you imagine a world where we have full-grown adults crawling and rolling on the ground because they never learned how to log because someone told them to give up? I mean it’s funny that would be, that would never happen because, we are committed to success. Because, we love ourselves enough to take the next step even if it’s unsure. Even if it’s unsteady. now couple that with unconditional. You take love, commitment to success you’ve got unconditional which means regardless of circumstance which means regardless of no strings attached and you put them together into one and here’s what you come up with unconditional commitment to success. Now, how does it show up in relationships? before you can give it to someone else you have to have it here. It has to start somewhere because, you can’t give what you don’t have. You can’t give what you don’t have. So if you are lacking unconditional love for self, how could you possibly give it to someone else? Oh, you may think you do and a lot of times in this world we’ve heard the old adage you know love your neighbor as yourself the golden rule do unto others as you would do unto yourself. And a lot of times, people will make the mistake of giving more than they have of giving to other batteries are tapped out. And then, giving more. And you know what happens when that happens? We forget ourselves. We forget. We forget to take care of ourselves. Imagine if you were sinking and someone’s thinking next to you’re in a big vast ocean and there’s no life preservers. There’s no possible way for you to save someone unless you’ve got a life preserver or you’re on higher ground. You’ve got to give from a full tank. We learn about this all the time if you’ve ever been on the airplane, you had the flight attendants give you their spiel about how to click the safety belts and how to blow into the tube when your oxygen, when your, floatation device comes and they always talk about that oxygen device coming down and every single time they will tell you to make sure that you take care of you before you pass it on to someone else. Because what good are you to help someone else if you’re empty? What good you to help someone else if you’re passed out? You can’t. it’s impossible you can’t give what you don’t have So unconditional love, it all starts here. and what do you do when you love someone? what do you do when you’re in love with something? you spend time with them. You connect to them. You find out what your interests are. You find out what makes them tick. Think about maybe you went on a first date. What did you do? did you learn things about that person? did you ask that person’s friends? what colors do they like? what flowers you like? What things they like? what do they like to do? when’s the last time you do that for yourself? so I have a challenge for you I’m going to invite you to write a top 10 list of things that you love. Things that make you take, things that you love to spend your time doing, do you would like to go on rafting trips? what do you excite, get excited about? do you like to create art? do you like to build? do you like to just sit and read a book? how do you love to spend time with yourself? How do you love to create? what do you do to recharge your batteries? and then I’m going to ask you to pick one. Pick one today. I’m talking today. Right now before this video is over I want you to have one in mind that you can step forward with. That you commit to accomplishing. Maybe it’s just 15 minutes you need to commit yourself today. But that’s 15 minutes of dedication to you. Dedication to your success and what does success for you look like? maybe it’s a goal that you’re working on, maybe it’s a business goal or maybe it’s a relationship goal maybe it’s a family goal. Believe it or not taking that time to work on you, taking that time to give yourself that 15 minutes is feeding that unconditional love. And many have nothing to do with the goal that you’re working on. But it charges the battery that gets you there. So in your relationship once you’ve got your tank full then you have the opportunity to give it to someone. And let me just talk about marriage for just a second. This is the most important relationship I have here when my time on this planet the most important relationship with another human being I have is my marriage. And, I give in my marriage because I’m full first so I asked my spouse what are the top 10 things that you love to do? and what ways can I show you love? one of the most important challenges I was ever issued was this unconditional love challenge. One of my mentors, Kris Krohn gave us this challenge in our marriage and I got to tell you I was in a place in my marriage when I heard this I was folding my arms. I’m looking back like, “you just try and make this marriage better because right now it stinks”. I mean seriously it was like I had an appointment for an attorney just walk this marriage out the door because it was so hard for me to be in and I had forgotten who I was. I had forgotten me. And one of the things that got me out of that slump in my marriage was this concept of unconditional love. The concept of no strings attached, the concept of if I commit to showing up in love, A.K.A. commitment to success for you whether or not you reciprocate, no matter how long it does or does not take. That means there’s no timeframe on it that means I commit to giving all of my earth-years for it. So here’s the challenge, what do you do to connect with your spouse every day? I want you to ask these three questions, take these three action steps and here’s the first one. Ask spouse, what can I do to show up and love for you today? and it may be I need you to into the dishwasher for me, it may be I need you to walk the dog for me and maybe I need 15 minutes with you I made made I need you to cancel all your plans for day and just focus on me. It could be anything like that or anything else and I love where I’m at in my relationship now because when I ask that question every morning, This is something I still do. I was challenged for 30 days and that’s my challenge to you do this for 30 days. I still do this with my spouse over a year and a half later and you know what the answer was this morning? my sweetheart said to me, “you’re doing it. just keep doing it.” That was such a beautiful reminder to me that you have on the right track. So the first thing is, what? ask your spouse, what can I do to show up and love for you today? and here’s set number two. Do it. Do it no strings attached and when I say no strings attached I mean no expectation. And, a lot of times when I say no expectations this is what people would hear, no expectation that they’ll appreciate it. But, a lot of times we’ll go into this with an expectation that they actually won’t appreciate it. Think about that. Have you ever gone into something and given a gift with an expectation that it will be rejected? have you ever offered a service with the expectation or the thought nagging the back of your mind that oh I know they’re just going to reject this. I know they won’t appreciate this anyway. I know that they’re going to forget or not even notice that I did it. That’s an expectation. That’s an expectation on the outcome. I want you to go into this with no expectations, whatsoever, nothing. Just giving. Because, what? because you’re full first. Because your happiness is not contingent upon how they respond. So give, give with no expectation. No strings attached which leads me to the third point. Observe, watch, and see what happens. And while you’re observing, and why you’re watching, I’m gonna invite you to do this, to do it with gratitude. You know one of the greatest things I ever learned was actually gift from my mother. I called her when during the one of the hardest times of my life. I’ll never forget I was sweeping my driveway because we just had this huge nasty oil spill in my driveway and for some reason that oil scene represented everything in my life that wasn’t working.
I can remember scrubbing on my hands and knees on the concrete I made it so hard for myself to get this oil stain out of the driveway and I called my mom as I was watching my kids run around the front yard you know maybe some of them…and even half dressed because I was trying to get their diapers on all at the same time if you have been any part of the rat race you know what I’m talking about when everything just piles on. And, here I am scrubbing this oil stain in my driveway. I’ve got my mom on the phone with me and I’m just, “mom why is this so hard?” talking about the oil stain but really referring to life. Why is my life so hard? Why do things stinks so much? why is everything working against me? my mom and her all her wisdom replied, “Maryanne that question has no good answers” and then my mom’s loving words they hit me like a ton of bricks. What am I asking my relationships? am I even asking the right questions? am I even taking the time to consider what the great questions are? what are the right questions? the biggest roadblock I’ve seen people come up with against unconditional I’ve been giving unconditional love is fear. Fear that they’ll give and run out. Fear that they’ll give and it won’t be reciprocated. Fear that they’ll give and they’ll turn to a doormat I’m sure you’ve heard that term before. Fear is such a horrible reason to do anything. Fear will paralyze you. Fear will stop you. Fear will impede you from everything you want when you make decisions and ask questions out of fear you’re always going to get a result that fuels of fear. So ask questions out of love, ask yourself this question, “why should I? why should I show up an unconditional love with my spouse and myself? what possible benefits could it bring to me? What possibilities will open up in my relationship? what would be possible if I were to opt into that. To give all of my energy not just 99% not just 80% not just 20% but a hundred percent. You see, no one ever asks someone to marry them saying I am coming to you asking your hand in marriage and I commit to giving 99 percent of myself to you, let me just ask you, if that happened I don’t know about you I probably wouldn’t say yes. In fact, I definitely wouldn’t say yes. 99 percent is not good enough for me. I demand 100 percent and I demand 100 percent of myself and I demand a hundred percent commitment to my success. So here’s your invitation, take on these three questions, these three commitments first. Ask yourself and ask your spouse, how can I show up and love for you today? Second, do it with no strings attached Third, observe with gratitude. Boom! There you got it! unconditional love Marianne bringing the heat on what you can do to intensify that in your life. Here’s my advice, do what she say and we’ll see you next time on limitless TV. If you want to see her again, hit subscribe.