How To Make A Marriage Work
Kris Krohn, Limitless TV and we are talking about how to make a marriage work. I mean, let’s be honest marriage is deeply under attack and the two biggest culprits are sex and money. These are the things that we fight over, have issues over, and some of them we talk about but a lot of them work too embarrassing we don’t know where to go to get help. And I’m bringing on a guest mentor of mine today, Marianne DeNovellis. And she’s going to be talking about how you create happiness in marriage and how you get it to work. I don’t know how many of you have ever been married before or currently married but let me ask you this, did you get married hoping you would get a divorce? I don’t know about you, that wasn’t my situation. I never got married thinking I would get a divorce and even the idea of like prenuptial agreements, that’s totally an idea that allows this little loophole for divorce. How do we make marriage work? That’s the question. You know I had a, it was Ben Affleck, I believe it was. Who said marriage is a lot of work. It’s a lot of hard work but it’s the best kind of work and there’s no one I’d rather do it with. And he got a lot of flack for that. The media, and the press, and the world, just dunk on him and they’re like how could you say marriages it’s hard work and how could you say all these awful things about marriage and I was like, who is the world to criticize marriage? You know, we’ve probably heard that there’s a 50% divorce rate. Who is the world to tell us what marriage should look like? who is the world to say marriage has to look like this, or marriage has to look like this, or, or whatever it is. Stop! I’m here to share with you how marriage gets to work. Marriage is the most important relationship I have on this planet with another human being and many of you may think that’s a weird thing to say. Many people don’t think that marriages is important. many people, many people don’t know that marriage is the foundational principle for even our country that we live in. That the family unit is a central building block to what we know is our country. Our future leaders are born at home and raised with moms and dads. Now the question is, if marriage crumbles if the family unit crumbles, what happens is our society goes with it. Look at the case by case studies. Look at countries all over the world. When marriage isn’t treasure, the country crumbles. And it’s more than just our country or government that’s just at stake. It’s more than just giving up our goals, it’s more than just growing old together that’s at stake, it’s more than just finding common dreams as at stake. So how do we make marriage work? and more importantly, why? There’s an old saying that I’ve heard that says, “you tell a man to do something and he may or may not do it. You tell him why he should do something and he will move heaven and earth to make sure it happens. So why do we want to make marriage work? And that’s the key to how. Is knowing your why. What’s your why? I’ll tell you mine. The most important reason for me to make my marriage work is not just my kids, I don’t stay married just because of my kids it’s an added benefit but that’s not the sole reason. It’s not just to accomplish a dream I had as a child, although that’s so huge and important to me. Here’s why I want my marriage to work and here’s why I make my marriage work and here’s why I cultivate an environment, my marriage not just works, but it thrives. It’s important, it’s the most important relationship I have on this planet. And here’s why, because the creative power of me coupled with the creative power of my husband is completely unstoppable. You know, many of you have heard about this analogy and it’s not even an analogy that’s made up it’s analogy from something real. Of a workhorse. A workhorse hauling a wagon is one horsepower. Right? a workhorse pulling one wagon with one horse is one horsepower. A workhorse over here pulling one wagon with one horse is one horsepower. What happens when you bring those two powerful bodies together? It’s not 2 horsepower. It’s more than two. The sum is greater than the total of its parts. That’s what I have in my marriage. And that’s what everyone gets to have in their marriage. That’s what they want. I’m going to share with you something that’s really special and quite frankly, very sacred to me. It was a point in my marriage where I thought it was over. I came to my husband after some of the worst times of my life and quite frankly, some of the worst times of his as well. We were two people that didn’t see eye to eye on a lot of things. We were two people that were stuck in this circumstance that wasn’t working. You know what stuck feels like. And I could not create anything. I felt like I needed this giant red flashing neon arrow that said, Marianne go this way. But I didn’t have that. And I’m so glad now because I got to choose. And here’s what I chose, I remember coming to my husband we were sitting down at one of the diners, and we had just had one of the roughest times of our lives. And I thought, our marriage is over. In fact I had an appointment with his divorce attorney the next morning, because her marriage was just so broken. We were both so stuck in our stuff and stuck in victim. And second is mentality of, it’s your fault. I was just done and then I got super clear and pinpointed on what I wanted and here’s what I decided, in my marriage I want an honorable upstanding man who walks through my door at the end of every day. I want a man who loves and respects himself and me. I want a man who is not only one who creates goals but one was passionate about them. One who does projects with me, one who builds with me, one who I could bounce ideas off of one that will hold me accountable and call me out on my stuff and do it in love. I got super clear on the man I wanted to be with and super clear therefore and the person I got to be. You see, the world and not just the world but the universe has this really funky messed up cosmic way of putting the people together that will trigger each other the most. The person that you marry, I’m sure many people have heard the person that you marry is very much like your mom, or your dad, or someone that you familiar with it’s they’re designed and there’s a weird funny jacked-up sort of way to trigger you the most. And that’s what was happening. And a lot of people, when they get to that point, when they realize that they’re not conscious enough to know that, that’s just the beginning of the breakthrough. To know that, that’s just the beginning of the gift. To know that on the other side of that, is where the magic happens. On the other side of your comfort zone, once you break through that barrier of your comfort zone, that’s where the magic happens. You know Chuck Yeager, right before he broke this down barrier, he was in his airplane and he was just shedding with a broomstick as his arm was broken and everything was shaking and he’s going so fast and no one’s ever broken the sound barrier before so no one knows what’s going to happen and there’s just utter chaos going in the cockpit around them. You know what happen? This control tower called him and said, “Chuck we don’t know what’s going to happen everything is so much chaos you’ve got to bail” You know what he said? he said, “no way I’m going for it” And as he broke through, everything in his cockpit was shaking, they’ve read all the meters are going off, all the controls were out of control. And he goes through that and suddenly this big boom happens and the sound barrier is broken for the first time ever. And after that, silence. The control tower didn’t hear from him. And finally, they radioed in, “Chuck are you okay? Chuck what happened?” you can imagine what’s going through their minds. This is what they hear back. It’s so still. Everything is perfect. It’s in perfect order. All the chaos is gone. That’s where I was at with my marriage. And I could have either backed away, slowed down, stopped my progression, or I could break through that sound barrier and go where we’d never gone before. And so we went in that diner that day, I was super clear on what I wanted. Super clear on what I wanted to create in my family and in my marriage and I got unconditioned with myself. In one of our other videos, you’ll learn about one condition on how to get unconditional, why it’s so important. And I have to tell, you when I came to had that conversation, I knew that whether I chose, my husband chose in, or out of what I wanted to create, I was totally okay. I was perfectly at peace with whatever he chose. So I showed him. I laid on my blueprint. I gave him what I wanted for a marriage and I say, “you know what? I would love to play with you in this marriage. I would love for that man to be you but I’m happy whether or not you choose in or out. Just let me know. And let me know now so that we can move forward with whatever that looks like. In my situation, My husband shows in and we designed with that got to mean. We designed what our marriage got to look like. But here’s the thing, here’s your takeaway, if you take away one thing from this video, here’s what I want it to be. In order for your marriage to work, you have to be clear on what you want and Cheshire,the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland said, “if you don’t know where you’re going, of course you’re going to get there. But if you know where you’re headed, you know where you’re going to end up.. Get clear, get precise, create your blueprint for your marriage and then unconditionally be committed to it. And that’s how the cookie crumb… That’s how you make marriage work. Friends, Marianne DeNovellis. Thank you so much. I appreciate how you showed up. You, you, have changed so many lives in this marriage arena. You’ve done it clearly by the powerful example of you and how you’ve done it in your life. So thank you for everything you shared. For the rest of you, join us on limitless TV. Hit subscribe we’ve got powerful mentoring coming your way on relationships.